Dear Konkan,

With the morning breeze, came floating your memories...

When the car leaves from Pen, your glimpses start appearing...suddenly eyes start feeling a rarely experienced peace...after a while comes the realization that its the magic of the green extended on both sides of the road...

In my childhood, when we would come to you every summer, there was a point on the road near Shriwardhan, from which one could see a glimpse of sea from the S.T. bus..and how much I used to die to see that sight...despite of knowing it is in the land of sea and sand we are going to enter....

The calmness enveloping you small towns in the noon, nights... the peace meshed perfectly with the sound of ever bustling sea-waves...I remember the thrill I used to feel as a child that even from faraway, in the town, we could hear this sound...the one which even today, when remembered, fills every particle of my being...

O my first love, my ocean..those childhood evenings we spent on your shore, playing with the sand, those long nights of adolescence, reading poetry and sharing philosophies with close ones and that one lonely morning when your seamless waters scared me...for first time....

That dusty red road to Panhalekaji...seemingly never ending..and found in the quest that small pond filled with beautiful lotus flowers...O dear Konkan how many more secrets have you kept from me..hidden deep down in your heart?

Your narrow roads with trees and flowers on both sides...the Ghat which, during Chiplun-Guhagar night journey made my sleepy head bump on every twisted turn...that thorny conch found one day in the sand...endless varieties of hibiscus in several forms, colors and textures...and that peculiar one of which buds we would suck as children because it contained something resembling to honey..sweet...the Jack fruit trees with its fruits hanging on the trunk all the way from top to bottom...some even touching the floor...this tree represents few loving fathers in the world...extremely fond of their children...holding them tenderly yet firm...

This ethereal beauty of yours I tried to capture desperately in my camera and merely realized the inadequacy of such effort...

But then to remember you, cherish you and keep you alive within me, I don't need photographs for you have since long become a very part of my existence..an inseparable one...I owe whatever broken pieces of creativity I express through writing and poems to you...to this same red soil and green coconuts...

And I keep coming back to you again and again...seeking solace in same places...experiencing the same you again and again...for ours, my dear Konkan is a never ending courtship....

search

lying on my cosy bed...without any regrets for past...any worries for future...i find myself anew...everytime....

Coffee with Counselor

This article was written for the college magazine 'Polyzine' of V.P.M. Polytechnic College, Thane. V.P.M. Polytechnic has started Counseling Cell recently in order to help students on various issues. The purpose of this article is to make students aware about this service and need of it.  

Hey friendz…wassp? I have been trying to reach you all to share the details of our new activity: Counseling Cell. We have started Polytechnic Counseling Cell from Nov. 2012 and 11 of your friends are already taking benefit of this service.

I know this information must have triggered many questions in your mind. And central two out of them are: what is counseling? And why do we need it?

Counseling is simply helping someone to help him/herself. 

The reasons for seeking counseling could be varied. However, due to lack of exact information many people have lots of misconception about the service of counseling as well as about approaching a counselor for help. Some of these misconceptions may be summarized as follows, but I would like to state emphatically that these misconceptions have been counteracted by many students who have experienced counseling:-

• Only ‘mad’ people go to counselor - only wise people who are willing to deal with their problems go to counselor.

• My friends will laugh at me if I consult a counselor - I would take my friends too with me to the counselor.

• Counselors work in favor of parents and teachers - Counselor aims to help everybody without being biased towards any one person.

• Only ‘weak’ people seek help in solving their problems - people who are strong enough to accept and share their difficulties only would seek help.

• My teacher is holding some grudges against me. Hence she has deliberately referred me for counseling though I don’t need it - my teacher wants to help me in dealing with my life challenges, so she has suggested this step.

Here are few examples of students who have taken help of counseling in order to manage their lives more effectively. These examples will elaborate the various reasons to approach a counselor.  Names of these students have been changed to maintain confidentiality.

• Nikita was unable to concentrate on her studies. She was pressurized due to the modest economic condition of her parents and the huge amount of fees they have paid despite of it. She felt anxious about her performance in upcoming exams which made her mind wander far away from studies.

• Preeti was not able to adjust with her classmates. She felt inferior to them in terms of her appearance, vernacular background and financial status of her family. She has started feeling lonely and irritated.

•  Nitin also was from vernacular medium. He feared greatly that he does not understand everything taught in the class. As a result of which he started remaining absent and could not clear most of his subjects in first semester.

•   Anuja wanted to learn to manage her time more effectively.

• Asim wanted to speak more confidently in class presentations.

• Sushant liked a girl in his class but feared greatly that this attraction will interfere with his career goal. He was completely confused about how to behave with this girl and what decision to take.

Thus, reasons behind seeking counseling could be need of some help in solving difficult situations, desire to learn new skills and yearning to bring about some changes in our lives which are towards positivity.

These stories are not merely individual experiences but they represent bits and parts of our lives. Every one of us does face problems, difficult situation at some or the other junction of life. We want to share our feelings, want to have an advice, want some hope which seems to be faded totally. Many a times such situations can’t be shared with our parents or teachers. Our friends may not be able to help us reach a mature decision because their age and understanding is exactly same as us. And as the saying goes “you cannot solve the problem with the same mind that has created it”, even we can’t understand what to do, how to help ourselves.

Counselor could be someone who may help dealing with such situations, who would listen to your concerns, understand your feelings and work together with you to reach to the solution of the problem.

Facing a difficult situation, being in problem is not a shame. But avoiding facing that problem, resistance to seek help to resolve it could be very disastrous.

So friendz, don’t you think itz cool to have a coffee with counselor? Let’s help ourselves and jusz rock the show yaara! Wts say? Superlike?? 

So has the time come to shade off all my inhibitions and plunge into these seemingly attractive blue waters?

Chotisi Love Story...

"Whenever I made a class presentation, she would appreciate me amongst her friends, saying, "He has spoken too well" (khup bhari bolala han ha!)"

Rahul's (name changed) sweet and raw love story took me back to my teen days. I felt the entire narrative like a fresh breeze amongst en number everyday hassles. I felt like a little girl than a counselor, filled with curiosity to know what happened next.

"She would eventually complement me for my looks...I would see her in my dreams and would be unable to sleep... Then the semester was about to end and we went on study leave. On the 1st day of exam, before the paper started, I was standing a little apart from my group and she came and wished me 'all the best!', I wished her same and could not but help telling how much I missed her. Well...she missed me too....then we went on telling each other how we liked each other.... After that exam started...ended and the summer vacations were there."

"So you both have expressed your likings for each other before first paper, then?" I asked.

"Later on I started feeling that this would distract me from my studies and career goals. I already had repeated an entire  year..so I have stopped talking to her completely after college reopened...I avoided her altogether...even in the class..."

(Can't guys ever be little more sensible? my mind chattered but inadvertently)

"What was her reaction then?"

"She tried to speak to me several times, with different reasons. (Did you do your homework? when no homework was assigned was the cutest one!) but I did not respond...she is hurt and upset now..."

"How do you feel after you have changed your behavior towards her?"

"I feel guilty that I have hurt her. I also feel restless and not able to concentrate on my studies now.." 

I understood that Rahul was creating more pressure for himself by restraining his natural urge to speak with her and moreover this no talking was not serving any purpose for him. So I suggested that he should instead continue talking normally...just as he speaks with his other friends. I was sure it would reduce his restlessness and tension about maintaining distance. Later on we could have talked about how to maintain a healthy distance and still develop a good relation.

But the question in front of Rahul was, "How can I talk to her suddenly now?"

"Ask whether she has completed her homework!" I could not help but a wide grin.

Rahul's problem was a representative one for his age. I felt he chose counseling at right time. For me it was an opportunity for preventive counseling (always more fruitful!)

Teenage attractions and puppy love might put one in tremendous confusion and guilt. Confusion slowly leading to fear of being distracted from other life goals, of being unable to manage the overwhelming feelings effectively. And excessive worries and guilt might often result in employing unhealthy means to take charge of situation. One may go on using different defences including Reaction Formation (I hate this particular person from the core of my heart!- when actually you like him/her), suppression (what Rahul has done), Projection (My all other friends are attracted towards girls and talk about them, I am a class apart!-projecting own emotions on others), Denial (I just don't feel attracted to anyone..don't like anyone) and so on. While defenses can provide relief for some time they are not the solution to the actual problem. Rather a real issue, hidden beneath the use of defence mechanisms can make one really tense and restless.

Accepting the romantic feelings as natural and realizing that:

• such attractions are part of growing,
• perhaps one would meet them inevitable on the path and 
• they can be managed effectively without disturbing the progress in other areas of life

could give the story a crucial and healthy twist.

Rahul came with more relaxed demeanour and more sweet details of his story for next session ("I told her that she looks very beautiful in salwar-kameez and she wears only that since then....!!!"). In our talk that day, I tried to make him aware of the fact that it is possible to strike a balance between your romantic feelings and studies/career goals, provided:

• you two set some boundaries for your interactions with each other
• time spent with each other neither exceeds the time needed for studies; nor makes you compromise your participation in other activities in your life
• you both are aware of each other's career aspirations and pursue them
• the modern technology (FB, Whatsapp, SMS) is not overused to stay connected all the time with each other.

We made an activity schedule for Rahul to help him structure his day and study timings. His concentration in studies was already improving.

Yes, teenage is a period of stress and storm, and storm has an enormous power of destructing everything that comes in his way. But this storm has within itself the capacity to construct great personalities and successful lives. Building windmills at right places is the solution key!

Love, Relationships and Confusion

Relationships have started puzzling me more than ever. I see people who never think much about it and find a compatible partner. I see people who have developed insights about love and relationships by their intellectual thinking and still have no one in reality to experience a rich relation.

I know mom dad, who despite of daily dose of small fights are always there for each other. I also know my fellow friends who opt for divorce on accumulation of tiny differences and quarrels.

I see what one expects in the partner is all present in someone and still the relation cannot be developed, I see the old old funda of opposites attract work.

People taking the differences happily and living with them, people denying the partner's right to be different, people who were not romantic and dreamy;still living the best dream ever, people with beautiful sketches of imaginations, but just sketches!

The expression of love is rapidly becoming more and more physical with new generation (just 5 years younger than me!). The tales of flowers, eyes filled with love for each others and hands held together to express love are becoming older and older. We (or just I, may b!) are not yet ready to accept this shift...nor are we ready to regress to the days of singing songs in parks roaming back and forth the trees! So are we caught up in the transition phase?

Is there always a certain risk involved on the path of love? But those who are bold enough to take it are also not the ones who have reached its end successfully!

Love and relationships seem like a complicated jigsaw puzzle....and I am still searching for the right piece which will resolve it...make it complete....

On a rainy day...

12.15: I am at home, sipping tea and writing this new blog post.

5.30 AM: I wake up partly in my cosy bed and in half sleepy mode hear the rain...it sounds like pouring heavily. I wonder what would be the condition of Mumbai locals.

6.15 : I wake up finally and start getting ready for college, still worried about the condition of locals. I message a couple of friends, out of which one says trains are little late but running fine. News channels show broken pieces of rain news which are of no use. On the top of it IBN Lokmat shows two strips of news extremely contradictory. One piece says its raining heavily in Mumbai but locals are running properly. Just after that second piece comes which says locals facing problems due to heavy rains. Well no blame to them...perhaps they are just exploring all possibilities involved ;)

Mom Dad don't want me to go but I decide to give it a try and leave.

7.56 : Local arrives at correct time, or may be even before time and the commute begins. 

After Shahad it stops and doesn't seem to be moving. I don't realize how much time elapses as I am engrossed in P.G.Wodehouse. Then suddenly I feel well its quite some time. 

8.37 : I start feeling that there is no point in going to Thane now, so I will go back from Kalyan and inform the concerned people. But the train doesn't seem to agree with me. It is still at same place. Women standing at door inform us that there is a train standing ahead of our train and another one behind. so it doesn't seem likely that our local will move at all. 

Many people have already started walking back towards Shahad. An option which I can't consider because there is no way available to reach to my town from Shahad except local.

8.55 : Bored, I get up from the seat and meet a young girl from my town. Their group plans to go walking till Kalyan and catch a bus to Padghe from there. The plan appeals to me and I decide to join in, pick up my bag and umbrella and go to door to get down. 

The distance between door and track/floor is not too much but it scares me. Girls with me jump quickly using all possible tricks. My fear of heights reach its peak and despite of several attempts I can't let myself jump. People around me keep suggesting different methods and alas finally I sit down at foot board and jump on the tracks! 

After this I loose the track of time.

We start walking. It is still pouring. I am wet but not  irritated...somewhere it seems as an adventure. we walk quite a lot, trying our best to avoid the pieces of morning shit and all other garbage thrown on railway tracks. We also cross a narrow bridge on the river which otherwise I would not have even seen! I become aware of a strong urge of sharing this whole experience with someone. Some tracks are already filled with water and no local is running from either sides. After a good walk of may be half an hour or 45 min. we reach Kalyan.We assume that a bus standing little far away is Padghe and sit in it. The assumption turn outs to be true and some time after it starts. 

It's not raining very heavily now. Windows are opened and I see lots of calming greenery outside. Trees look as if they have just taken a good, refreshing bath. Fields are filled with water and cold breeze blows over my face. I feel good and rewarded for all the trouble.

The pathetic roads between Kalyan-Padghe take about an hour and a half to come to the end of the journey. Finally the bus takes a turn towards Padghe from the highway and we are relaxed.

I return home thinking had I not left the home at all!!!

Heavy or light, troubling or romantic, depressing or refreshing, I love rain...every drop of it...and will always do.... :)